It was fun.

Here it is:

Hi Chip,

This is a letter from the future you.  Your name is Justin now -don't ask, but if you think of a better one feel free to jump on it.  Maybe something like "Beverage".  Everyone likes a Beverage and you know how much you enjoy alliteration. Beverage Bond... well, it's up to you.  Just be glad you're not some old fag named "Chip"!

I was thinking that since we've been given this to opportunity to communicate through time I should maybe give you some helpful tips:

First, do me a favor, stay out of the sun.  You don't like the sun anyway so just skip it.  All those bitches that keep saying you're so pale and that you look like a spook are going to end up looking like wrinkled brown paper bags and will probably have lots of chunks missing from their skin -I say fuck 'em.  Stick to the shade or stay inside and listen to music, dance around naked and feel free to jack off as much as you like.

Kiss Andrew Pennington a lot more.  It seems like he's a lot younger than you now but he's really not and he's going to die soon of a rotten disease called AIDS.  He deserves so much more sweetness and love in his life.  Give it to him.

Have more sex! but use a condom because it will prevent you from getting AIDS and will keep your cock cleaner.

By the way, you're a lot hotter than you think you are.

Don't worry about whether or not you'll ever be rich or famous.  Neither of those things are likely to happen so just sing songs you like.

Don't work with people who resent you or aren't nice to you, in the end, it's never worth it.

Write more.

When you are trying to be honest with Mom and she starts bawling just let her cry.  There are plenty of kleenex in that house.  Also, if you think sometimes that aliens came and took your real, loving Mom away and replaced her with a cold, mean replicant they probably have.  Wait patiently, the real one will return eventually.

Be nicer to your sister.  She's on your side.

Forget about exercising.  You'll never do it so don't pretend you will -just dance a lot, watch the carbs when you hit 36 and don't try to quit smoking, it's a waste of time.

Never wear high heels that are too small for you.  (That's a hint:  YOU"RE GOING TO GET TO WEAR HIGH HEELS A LOT!!!!!)

Don't ever kid yourself into thinking that if you love someone enough they will eventually love you back.  It' s the biggest mistake you will make and you're likely to make it often.

Don't worry!  Most of your dreams are going to come true.  It's going to take longer than you think and you'll have to work pretty hard but it's all worth it.

Mainly, aside from the advance warnings about condoms and the sun, you will pretty much  be able to figure the rest out yourself.

Oh!  Those ray bans you thought you lost are under the mattress.

ps.  I've attached a photo (you're the one in the middle).  As you can see, you've got a lot to look forward to!

Xox

photographed with The Pixie Harlots by Dick Mitchell